...is a composition book that I named in order to write down my thoughts in throughout the day. It isn't like a diary because if I left it somewhere and anyone read it, I wouldn't care. It's things like "If omniscience can be proven through a mathematical equation, then does time exist continually in planes with every version of ourselves existing at once?" ANYWAY - that is the normal kind of thought process you will find within "Things I Wonder..."
I wanted to share today's page of thoughts. So here is a full, unedited excerpt of Things I Wonder...
"...like how I survived my first college party."
It's getting better everyday. At first, I didn't think I deserved this. But, it's not about that. It's about what I needed to learn. I looked at everyone else's life so envious. Why? I'll never know. If they can't remember their weekends and they need this stress to feel alive, I feel bad for them. I have fond memories that just include me and no one else. I'm doing things right and I will never complain about being lonely again. I will enjoy what I'm doing and when I get to go home to the people who care about me, it will be all the more beautiful. Also, the only reason I went was because of some dumb guy. I'm over it. No one will even love me as much as I am capable of loving them. No one will ever love me as much as I love myself. No one is selfless. No one can be trusted. No one except me. So, for now and as far as I can see, it's just me. I can trust myself, love myself, improve myself. No one deserves control over me. I've stepped out of this self induced cage of fear and loneliness. I'm going to be me and whoever doesn't like it, doesn't exist. I may be a little more of a [bitch], but it's just how I survive. I need to be that way. If I let myself get all emotional again, the results will be disastrous! No more whiny love song. No more not being able to take a joke. This is life. I may as well live it as happy as possible and I don't need another soul in my life in order to achieve that. I also just want to say, God must have something in store for me. He takes really good care of me. I prayed the night before everything got better. And I didn't just pray. I had a long and long-needed conversation. I know I am loved. ♥
"I'm down the Earth like this. Rocking this business. I've grown up so much. I'm in control and loving it. Rumors got me laughing, kid. Love my life and my public. Put God first and can't forget to stay real. To me it's like breathing!" - JLO♥
See also: For the Moments I Feel Faint
by Relient K♥
Just to end this, here is the second song I mentioned. Until next time.
