Trying to be positive but...

...I had a realization just now. I could probably go weeks here without anyone besides family contacting me. Unless someone needs something from me. But as far as hanging out or something, there's no one. And everyone had fun out in the snow tonight, and I had no idea anything was even going on. I want to be okay being alone, but being this alone just completely sucks. I want to have fun once in a while. I want to do crazy things with fun people. I want to sled down the streets of Morgantown. I've literally never gone sledding here, and I've always wanted to. If I go alone, I feel like a weirdo. I don't know how to meet new people. So, it's just me. And I'm trying to be positive about it. But tonight I just feel isolated and my feet are itching.

That's all. Just felt like venting.

Winter Break, and other adventures

Despite my subconscious doubts about going home for the entire break, I had a really good time. I got to see my three best friends in the world, and I spent a lot of time with my little brothers and my mom.

Kelsey's mom is awesome.
She gave me a great birthday get-together.

Joe & my goddaughter Zoey being super cute!

Willie was Batman.....
And I joked saying I was FATman.
At Target, of course.

My mom and I went out
for a nice birthday dinner :)

Of course, the same Ashley, Kelsey
and Chester since we were like 12.

My OCD kicked in while I was hanging out with Adam.

Sadie and I (at Target) found
a Pez, unopened, without a Pez dispenser
inside!

Both my brothers just keep growing up. I wish they would stop! Being away from them for four years has been tough, but I love that I when I see them again, the only thing that is different between us is the time.

The yard at the new house.

Since we moved into a new house, everyone seems a bit happier.

There's always a need for more happiness, but it's getting better, and that counts for something. I didn't really do anything of note during my break, but I changed a lot in my thinking about what it will be like to temporarily move back home. It was hard coming back to WVU for this semester because it was the first time I didn't really have anything to run from. Mostly because I just don't let that shit phase me anymore.

When my mom and Joe took me back to Morgantown, I bought my 16-year-old brother a frickin' tattoo. Yeah, it's insane. It looks great, though:

Joe and his new tat!

Coming back, it was hard to get into the groove again. I think I've made it, though. I am taking 20 credits this semester. The first class I had this semester was also the first class I have ever had on the Evansdale campus. I was so worried about making it on time. I didn't have any problems with the PRT, and the new Evansdale Crossing building is awesome - but I will get more in-depth with that later.

Weee, a PRT ride:

The first class was Social Media Journalism. Two people I used to work with at the DA are in that class, and honestly I wish I didn't have to see them every Monday and Wednesday. I know I am better off than I was, and everything truly does happen for a reason, but I'm one of those people who likes to have the last word. Lately, I've been foregoing last words and just cutting people out completely when I see they are fake or toxic. I suggest it to anyone reading this.

Social Media Journalism is a pretty good class. The professor is one of the most neutral I've had in the J-school, which I appreciate. I think it is important for professors to be that way so no one feels too outcast to speak up. He said the title of my blog for that class was his favorite - The Telltale Bones. I'm managing this blog about forensic anthropology for the semester, but I think I will keep it for a while after that. It seems pretty easy and natural for me because I've had my hand in quite a few blogs starting at 12 years old. Obviously there's always room for improvement. The real test for me will be our group assignments, which are always a challenge.

After that class, I had Colonial Africa & Independence, which I am taking for my history minor. My friend Irina is in that class, and we had a pretty hilarious experience during the first week. This blonde bimbo storms through the closed classroom door in Woodburn Hall and she doesn't even wait for a break in the professor's lecture before saying, in a complete stereotypical Barbie-girl voice, "Excuse me, sorry, but did anyone see my pink Michael Kors purse?" I couldn't hold my laughter in. As soon as I looked at my friend, I lost it. I still LOL when I think about it. It was just so perfectly rude, and she was so oblivious of how rude she was being. I think it's a good story to illuminate the entitled youth in this country - but that's for another time.

That class is okay. The professor is old, so he still uses a projector thing with paper note sheets, and he doesn't use eCampus. I like it, though. It makes me feel like I am in actual college, back when it used to be hard and mean something. The content is a little dry, though, and I am not good at remembering dates and names. I'm more of a whole picture kind of person.

So then, I had my SOCA capstone, Anthropological Thought, with Renfrew. It's okay. I don't know. I feel like the guy hasn't really said anything when he's talked. I'm having a bit of trouble coming up with a topic for my term paper, but I'm sure something will hit me.

Tuesdays, I only have one class. It's like Medieval History of Europe or something. It's cool. Westley, the associate A&E editor who worked with me at the DA is in that class. We said "Hi" the first day. He's the only person I miss from the DA. I apologized to him when I left because I actually cared about his feelings. I wish we could be friends, but it's too late.

Thursdays, I have that class and then I have my journalism capstone - Multimedia News Publication. There are people from the DA and U92 in that class, but no one that I feel super uncomfortable around. My team is good, so that's all that matters. We have to do three packages throughout the semester. I think it will turn out alright. When I'm stressing over it, just remind me it all works out in the end!

Working at the Bistro is okay....I miss Joao and Nayron mostly. As soon as I came back to campus, I felt the emptiness of faraway friends. Ghosts. That's all I can really say about that.

I had to quit my other job because I'm having a hard time with all the homework and work I am already doing. I felt like if I couldn't give my absolute best, it should be open for someone else who has more time and dedication than I am willing to offer. I haven't heard back yet, so I feel like my old boss hates me, but I really couldn't stay in that position. I just feel bad about it.

So, part of the reason Winter Break was so enjoyable was the positive thinking Kelsey has been doing. She finally saw the secret, and I'd seen it a long time ago. Since I saw it, I've been trying to apply it to my life. But it wasn't until I'd seen the difference in her life that my doubts about it drifted away. I know positive thinking is powerful. I am living in it now.

I am keeping a postivitity journal in which I write down what I am grateful for and make goals every day, week, month and year. I've been working out regularly, and have been extremely conscious of what I am putting into my mouth. I haven't been perfect, I mean, I'm just starting again it feels like. But I'm doing better. I'm feeling stronger. I'm gaining confidence. And I only wish I had these things in my life at the beginning of college rather than the end. Though, I don't think I would have received these ideas well back then. My values have changed drastically, as has my attitude, outlook, everything that matters has changed.

From "The Secret: Daily Teachings"

I also bought a juicer, which has really helped me become more health-conscious and less wasteful. I really love it. I'm a juice and pulp expert!

Fresh apple juice!

Homemade loaf using honey, carrot pulp and apple pulp!

Carrot juice and said carrot pulp.

Homemade spicy tomato soup from fresh tomato juice!

Speaking of juice, let's move on to talk about the Evansdale Crossing!

The view from Evansdale Crossing.

The Evansdale Crossing has much healthier options in it, including The Juice Bar! They also have Octane, a coffee and alcoholic bar. The building is shiny, new, and totally for students. I also had The Greenhouse: An Eatwell Cafe for the first time, and I was very pleased. With meal plan, you get a sandwich or wrap pre-made or made-to-order, a side (cottage cheese and fruit is my favorite one), and a drink. I like to get Vitamin Water. It's so much healthier than the other options on campus.

The other thing you should know about the Crossing and The Greenhouse is they accept meal plan the entire time they are open. That means you can stop at Octane for a breakfast sandwich, coffee and yogurt or go to The Juice Bar for a salad or soup and a bottle of water any time during the day. There are a bunch more options on the first floor! It's just great.

I'm thinking about re-focusing my Wellnesses blog so it doesn't rely on interviews. I think I will add my positivity, workout routines and all that stuff so that the blog can really grow. Of course, when I think it is ready, I will let you know.

Supposedly, there is a snow storm this weekend. Honestly, I don't know what they're going on about, but I am from upstate NY, so I have an advantage in this area. I've got to work at 9 a.m. tomorrow, but it's good because then I will have the rest of my day to do homework or clean or, hey, blog!

Anyway, I've just kind of been spilling out everything I've experienced this semester so far.

 WAIT - I just realized I forgot something. Farria moved out...

Okay, so, she thinks I was SUPER excited about her moving out. She's half right. I mean, I missed having the place to myself. At the same time, her presence has become part of my everyday life, even when we get annoyed at each other, it's just like what we do. So, without her it's just different. And it's mostly good because I think spending too much time with another person wears out your friendship, but I also feel super lonely like I am back in freshman year. I think things like "Well, guess I don't have to clean up since no one is ever going to come here again." At the same time, maybe some loneliness is exactly what I need. I need to be okay on my own. I need to meet people without a friend to cradle me in my rejection. It's just growing up. And I need to change my attitude about what lonely even means.

The first thing I did when she left was call Adam and tell him to come visit me for a while because I had room again. But that room....ugh I think....I need to fill it but not with something so comfortable. I need to let myself experience something new instead of just tiptoeing around the untouched outskirts of my life.

And I know this is what is best for her. She needs to figure out who she is without me or anyone else. She needs to grow her own skin. Everyone deserves that.

This post is getting entirely too long, so I think I will cut myself off there. But thanks for hanging in there as long as you did. You're a good sport!

P.S. I love my new hair :P

P.P.S. This looks delicious, doesn't it? :D