It's been a rollercoaster four years here at West Virginia University. I wish I knew when I started how fast these years would fly by. More and more, I've learned to live in the present. But it's a lesson always learned too late, and those moments are already gone.
Instead of mourning the last four years just yet, I am trying to remember there is still about a month left of this amazing era of my life. I want to make these last days really count. I want to make sure I use every second to the fullest, rather than completely embrace simultaneous diseases of senioritis and graduate anxiety.
Through the stress and the unpleasant surprises, I've found strength and happiness. I've taken the worst life has had to offer me and made the best out of it. I've worked very hard to experience the best life has to offer, and it has often outweighed the bad. Most of all, Morgantown is not just where I went to college. Here, I've made a home. I've learned truly what is important to me, what I value, what I believe in, and I work to live up to my own expectations every single day.
The more time I spend here, the more I look around at my own expressive imprint, the more I love the person cultivated in me by my family, my friends, my professors, and even my enemies, which I am proud to say are few. I am not the sole spirit responsible for this astronomic growth, not even close. The Universe has cradled me in its arms, and for that I am sincerely grateful.
My family; without whom there are times I may not have had the strength to wake up the next day. My friends; they have never failed to remind me to smile in the face of darkness, to have fun in the face of weekends otherwise doomed to homework. My professors; many do not know my name, but those who took the time to learn it have helped me immensely, always teaching me more than just the course material. I find more value in the implications of course material and in the life lessons learned by watching good people.
My enemies; they consist of ex-co-workers and ex-best friends. They consist of people I have fond memories of, and I don't like to think of them as enemies. They are only people, and I am only a person, and together we make many mistakes. It is unfortunate when these mistakes tangle in an irreversible way that causes the wires to snap, collapsing bridges and crushing opportunities. But each destructive collapse was its own opportunity, and I hope the other half has grown from these experiences as much as I have.
Then, there are the people I see every day who may not even know I am paying attention. You are nameless to me, but you have identities. You are all part of the culture here. Your existence impacts others, or at least my observant eyes. You matter every day. The smile as you pass by a stranger can mean more than you'll ever know.
I'm going to miss the quirky things I notice as I walk about campus. I'm going to miss learning and being a part of something so much bigger than myself, through countless jobs and extracurricular activities. Much of my time here, I spent it with few friends. I am fortunate to have the ones I do, and I am focusing on finding the youthful side of myself again, the side that isn't so serious and can ditch homework to drive down winding roads with looming trees on both sides that lead both to nowhere and everywhere. To experience ultimate freedom.
I will miss my apartment. My safehaven. These walls have heard every laugh and sob, seen every smile and wide-eyed look of disbelief, felt every nervous ripple and contented deep breath. Little things like all my beer glasses above the cupboards or decorating with the changing seasons...I truly express myself through my home life, from decorating to cooking to even the mess that occurs when I am feeling chaotic. This apartment is an organism that reflects my every emotion. I'm going to miss the freedom there is in having things that are completely mine. I can't wait to get to that point again. It has been my most-treasured part of being away from home.
On my own, I have learned the value of health. I am a healthy eater, a pescatarian, a gym rat. I want to improve upon my body, mind and soul. This healthy lifestyle would have gone unlearned had I not come to Morgantown and left the confines of Williamson. This healthy lifestyle has cured my depression as much as is naturally possible. Do I still have a bad day once in a while? Of course. But I no longer feel that general sense of restless desperation. And counseling at WVU's Carruth Center has helped me more than I can explain here. Having someone else to hear what is deep inside my thoughts and be able to explain to me whether or not I am being rational and give me solutions to the irrational ones has been invaluable.
I'm going to be completely honest: I AM TERRIFIED OF LEAVING. A huge part of me does not want this to be the end. If I could afford it, I would be a student here for much longer than four years. But there's the other side of me. It's the naturally curious side, the side that is definitely the reason I chose two investigative disciplines to major in. It yearns for more every day. To see higher mountain peaks and lower valleys. To experience warmer climes and softer beaches. To endure through different storms and turbulence as I travel life's mysterious currents.
West Virginia University. Morgantown. Beautiful. Wild. Wonderful. This is where I belonged. I know I made the right decisions. The community here is the biggest thing that attracted me. There is so much spirit and meaning in being a Mountaineer. It truly is a family. But being a Mountaineer also means another thing: climbing every mountain and reaching every peak. Being a Mountaineer prepares you to live up to that. In always searching for truth, for growth, for more, Mountaineers are always free.
Montani Semper Liberi,
Ashley DeNardo
P.S. There will only be one more post on this blog. It will be after graduation, just to update you on how classes went this semester, some notable experiences, and to say goodbye. Or, rather, see you on another blog! Thank you for reading. I love you all.
