At the end of the semester, I stayed inside my apartment for days at a time. Sometimes I didn't go to class for days, and I didn't know if it was day or night or what the weather was. I would order a pizza or two and see how long it could last. At the time, I justified this and more with the repeated slogan, "I just have more time now to relax."
I would binge-watch TV, sometimes with Farria, sometimes alone. My apartment was a disgrace. Getting from my door to my bed became like trying to get the One Ring to Mordor. So I just slept in the living room. Everything was in a state of chaos; my room, my kitchen, my job, my education, my life. I didn't care anymore, and I stopped trying.
It wasn't just what happened with The Daily Athenaum. It was the continual screwing-over that most people have rewarded my loyalty with throughout my life. Losing my job in that way just solidified the voices in my head. And I let them win. Eventually, you don't have any fingernails left to keep clawing up the side of the well...and you drown.
Somehow I managed to get a 3.4 GPA with an A in sociological theory, Bs in accounting, geology lab, investigative reporting and political science, and I received a C in geology lecture. Honestly, I don't remember most of these classes or that I even took them. I was hardly there even when I showed up to class.
Then, the summer started. There will be a more in-depth look at my summer on my travel blog as soon as I get on with it. I'll keep you posted. But here's a bit of background information and overview.
- I went to my mom's in Williamson, NY and Farria came to live with my family.
- I went to my dad's in South Jersey and spent time with everyone down there.
- I maintained a piss-pour attitude through everything, experiencing paranoia, anxiety and self-hatred often, but mostly masked as pretentiousness.
- I went to Southern California and experienced what I can only describe as a redeeming revival.
- I spent more time in New Jersey and New York with a whole new perspective.
- I went back to Morgantown, WV.
Now, I am taking a 19-credit schedule. I am taking Mesoamerican Archaeology, Intro to Math Concepts & Lab, Geology & Lab, Sociological Research Methods, Social Problems in Contemporary America and Civil War & Reconstruction. I am also working at Boreman Bistro again, where I worked my freshman year. I also am the new Facebook Administrator of the Zero:2016 Facebook page, working for the Coordinating Council on Homelessness for the city of Morgantown.
But, more than what I do, it is who I am that is new. Almost single-handedly due to the events that transpired in California, I have more faith in the Creator and in myself and in humanity than I've had in my life. There is good out there and in each of us. I'm starting to understand the real world, and it's helping me become less afraid of it.
We are faced every morning we wake with a decision - to let the external world overwhelm us and hijack our peace of mind or to do the best we can with each brand new day, appreciating the time given to us and quieting the unwanted noise that attempts to disturb us. Simply put, I've been making good decisions.
I will try to post at least two Mondays a month with updates. Until next time, remember to smile :D
Love,
Me
